This is a piece I wrote a few months ago, and it’ll be a bit more of a personal post. It’s something I’ve been getting to grips with the past few years, and it’s another milestone on my journey to freedom. I’m trying to become more open about this, though it’s difficult. In a time when it’s quite common and not as scandalous as it used to be, to mention that you’re gay, it’s still quite a shock to people to find out that your gender doesn’t quite match up to what you were born as. On that note… hope you find this enlightening.
On being an invisible unicorn
I am not a unicorn. Of that I am mostly certain. I am also not female, even though that’s what everyone would assume I am. It’s what my parents assumed when they gave me a feminine name. It is what my friends thought when we gossiped together about boys in high school. It is what I’ve pretended to be most of my life.
Of course, then the more enlightened amongst you might think I’m male. I most certainly must be transgender, and am going through a sudden midlife crisis where I apparently unleash my inner guy. I have just been suppressing it all this time, while knowing deep down inside I have a male brain.
Well… almost there, but not quite. I’m not ready yet to jump ship, because I don’t know if my gender lies all the way on the other side.
You see, apparently gender identity is like a scale. And while I always knew sexuality works this way, I had never thought to apply it to gender. I am realising that I am genderfluid, and I experience my gender sometimes as female, and sometimes more masculine of center. Some people call this genderqueer, or bigender.
All this time I’ve been wading through life like an awkward horse, pretending to fit in with the herd. When in fact, I am a unicorn. I have a horn, but it’s invisible.
Kinetic Freedom 